In 2008, I wrote an article on the holidays and family violence. I put in that article things you could do other than avoid risk. Later, a letter the editor indicated one woman’s distress that I stated it's ok to choose to be in a dangerous situation. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this woman’s discomfort as I’ve been building my Warrior Divas concept. I’ve been thinking about what makes my approach different than other approaches I’ve encountered and I think this argument is at the crux of the matter. I believe that women have the right to choose to put themselves in dangerous situation.

I believe women have the right to be soldiers, doctors, cab drivers, welders, ninja, astronauts, housewives, editors, students, lesbians, designers, adventurers, or homebodies. I believe they should embrace life with all its risks and rewards. I believe I train in martial arts to be a better protector of myself, my family, my community, and my planet. I trust that having a strong personal foundation will help me be a better person. I understand that the more I know about myself, the more risks I take, the more I stretch myself, the more I can help others. I push myself all the time to do more, be more, grow more. I give myself rest time every day so that I can integrate all I’ve learned. I rejoice in spending time by myself, with my husband, and surrounded by friends. I love to teach; I love to learn.

These dualistic pairings of opposites are the epitome of womanhood. They are our strength, our power, our core. To deny our ability to stand tall and face danger is to deny ourselves all the joy life. I think we as women should strive to be more than we were yesterday. I train in To-Shin Do® to discern the difference between fear, intuition, and premonition. I train so that when I need to decide whether or not it’s safe to walk down that alley, I make that choice based on my judgment of the present. I believe that this moment, right now, is my opportunity to create a more capable world. Why would I deny that call?

Labels: Boulder, Colorado, danger, protector, To-Shin Do, women's self defense

My latest column in Women's Mag is now available! Check out Women's Magazine in your local coffee shop or online. I think this issue looks great and is larger than previous isses--a testament to Aimee Heckel's great work! You can check out my article here.

I wanted to repost my November article as a blog. It was orginally published in Women's Magazine and can still be found online. I'm currently planning my February article so please send me your Saftey Questions!

---Begin Story---
With Thanksgiving around the corner, we tend to engage in a little reckless behavior to shore us up for the winter: a few extra calories, a splurge on something warm and some searching for a partner to see us through the cold nights. This search, while often worth it, can leave us vulnerable to heartache, disappointment or even violence.

So what do you do when the moment comes and you realize, "This is not the person I want to spend 10 more minutes with, let alone the rest of the winter?"
You leave.

In college, I got out of a bad date when the cops came looking for my date’s roommate, and I ducked out the door right under the arm of the policeman. Whatever works.

When it doesn’t work, and there are no police around, you need more options. Self-defense books talk about avoiding danger and fighting back with lethal force. But what’s a girl to do if she’s already in a private location and things get out of hand? This is no stranger or dark alley. This is a place and a person who seemed safe — maybe exciting — just minutes ago, but things have now turned ugly.

First, some rules for your mind:
No, you don’t owe him anything.
Yes, you can do what you want.
Yes, your desires are most important.

Second, some tricks for your body:
Pinky fingers are weak and handy. Grab one and twist.
Grab on to any piece of flesh and twist.
Use elbows, knees and palms. They are your strongest and most reliable weapons.

Third, some strategies for your spirit:
Be crafty. Back carefully to the door while lying and saying things like "Gosh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize the time."
Be slippery. As you head toward the door, be just out of reach. Be very welcoming, maybe make another date you’ll never keep and slowly slide away.
Be strong. Fight, spit, claw or yell your way to the exit.
Be smart. Call on your resources to help you process, connect with something beautiful and don’t let fear hold you back.

Most importantly, don’t ever believe you’ve lost the ability to control the situation. Each moment, this moment, is a choice and an opportunity.
---End story---

Labels: Boulder, family violence, Quest Center, self defense, women, Women's Magazine

This Halloween marks Boulder Quest's first Friday night graduation. I've been so gratified to hear all the excitment building around these Friday night tests. Plans are in the works to make graduations even more fun with Belly Dance and Stage Combat demos, group meditations, and demos from selected students. We are also adding a potluck and an opportunity for groups of students to self-organize to take advantage of the different options at Uptown (especially 4580 Restaurant whose bar and restauant are great places to gather)!

For Halloween, you are invited to come to graduation in costume. Look in your inbox for an evite so you can sign up for our Halloween Potluck or come early to help me decorate the dojo! We'll also have a costume contest and bobbing for apples.

Every month, we'll have something new at Graduation and we need you to bring your friends and family to help make the dojo the Place to Be!

~Mary Aitoshi

Labels: Bobbing for Apples, Boulder, Costume, Halloween, Place to Be, Quest