We have a lot of folk wisdom in the dojo. "Keep blood in your skin sack". "It's always your turn". "Hard weapons=soft targets". But I think my favorite is the one we aren't allowed to say "I can't". If you say those words on the mat, you'll quickly find yourself doing push-ups but you'll also have an instructor right there to talk to you to phrase what you really mean. It could be that you think "This is really hard" or it could be "I have no idea what you mean". These two statements are very different and making the distinction between them will allow your training to progress. The words "I can't" stop all future growth; you just stop dead and now you start trying to prove how you really can't. You can. Maybe not today or even tomorrow but if you keep trying eventually you'll say "I did it"!

Labels: empowerment, inspiration, motivation, power, To-Shin Do

The summer before sixth grade, my family rented a house in Atlantic City, NJ. My friends and I would walk the boardwalk every day (wearing fringe shirts with iron-on unicorns, I might add). I found the crowds a little overwhelming and I got really tired of dodging people, so I stopped. If you weren't watching where you were going, you'd run right into me. I wouldn't try to run into you but it still happened. It was like Empowerment Chicken for pedestrians. My friend got really embarassed when it happened but I felt like I was finally taking a stand for myself. After a few weeks I realized that if I walked a certain way, people naturally dodged me instead. Now I had choice, I could get small and sneaky and navigate through a crowd and no one even knew I was there. Or I could project energy and saunter through the crowd and people would flow around me. Having those options serves me well to this day so here's some other games I play that improved my feelings of worth.

1. The smile game: Next time you have a surly or disaffected cashier, see if you can get that person to smile. Bonus points if they smile because they've connected with you and don't think you're escaped from the funny farm.

2. Call an old friend: It takes courage to call someone you've neglected but just making the effort helps improve your inner landscape.

3. Use the Find Friends tool on Facebook: Nothing like 300+ friends to help you feel great about yourself.

4. Say No: This is a classic technique for connecting with your power. It's so basic that every toddler on the planet discovers it. Embrace the Power of No! For bonus points, don't qualify your no with "I'm sorry but" or "I hope you don't mind". Double bonus points for only saying it 1x.

5. Pedestrain Chicken: As in the story above, try walking down a crowded sidewalk in a straight line without varying your pace or trajectory. It's good, clean fun.

Post a comment and let me know how it went. Keep score and we'll see who wins!

Labels: empowerment, games, self improvement

My second story recently published in Women's Magazine. Check out the story here: http://www.womensmag.com/news/2008/oct/30/womens-date-aggressor-safety/. I am so enjoying the opportunity to share my perspective and experiences with others. Please email me with questions you'd like me to cover in my column. Use our contact form or email me at mary@boulderquest.com.

Labels: date aggression, Date rape, empowerment, safety, To-Shin Do, women, Women's Magazine